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"I may not know how to fly but I know how to read and that's almost the same thing."-- Gregory Maguire, Out of Oz

"...while finding true love was one of the most splendid things that could happen to you in life, finding a friend was equally splendid." -- Felix J Palma, The Map of the Sky

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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

I've Been Gone

So for the past couple weeks, I’ve been AWAL. My Top Ten Tuesday and Wednesday Review post are filled out in several week advance so they don’t get forgotten, but you may have noticed I haven’t been doing Quotable Thursday as devoutly or posting reviews for my more current reads. If you haven’t noticed I was gone, please keep it to yourself. And in the interest of honesty, I admit, despite starting several books and I haven’t finished any of them this year. The sad reality is I’ve been sailing the HMS Depression and all together feeling sorry for myself.

People say the job market is more competitive than ever. I don’t like the word competitive in relation to the job market. It implies competition. There is no competition. There are companies, both private and retail, running ads, online and in newspaper, for new employees. People fill out applications and resumes and cover letters and send them in, hoping for a nibble. These companies don’t require themselves to give a courtesy call or email. So people like me, people looking for work, are forced to sit by the phone and on their computers and wait for a message that never arrives. “I’m sorry we aren’t interested in you,” or a, “We’d like to schedule an interview.” There is no real competition involved because they don’t give you the chance to compete. If there is any game at all, it one of impatiently waiting for silent rejection while your day slips away, quietly wasted by the phone, because companies don’t care enough about their applicants to consider that unemployed people might want to do something with their day other than sit around.

So I’ve allowed myself to sit around, feeling sad, lonely, angry and rejected. I started sleeping late, not dressing until noon, starting books I lacked the attention span to finish. I watched several Law & Order and The Walking Dead marathons and cussed out several phone solicitors. I used my Kindle Fire to develop an unhealthy Sims Freeplay Addiction.

This past week, I woke up. The haze lifted. I can’t make someone choose me, but I’m not going to sit dejectedly by and wait anymore either. Either they’ll call me or they won’t. The longer I wait around, the more time I have to focus on things like my dreams getting flushed down the toilet, and in the long term, that probably isn’t as true as it feels. My life isn’t over yet it’s just on an unpleasant pause. So I put Sims Freeplay in a drawer, polished my riding boots, charged up my Kindle Touch, went for a jog in the freezing air, and started typing this post.

I bought a copy of Parsitology because its at the top of my read list, I will finish Biomass Revolution because its actually pretty good, I might even find the courage to finish The Dark Witch although I think my review of that will probably be bordering on flames. And I won’t pick up my Kindle Fire until two out of three are finished because videogame addiction is as dangerous as self-pity.

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